Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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