By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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