I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
