I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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