I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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