guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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