lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
