I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
