Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
