I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
