if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
