did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize