White coat. Heels.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
