I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
