Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize