My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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