I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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