Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
