Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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