I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
