3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize