hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
