I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
