not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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