11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
