i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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