fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
