I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
