I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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