im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
