You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
