Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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