I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
