Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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