can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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