it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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