I cannot find my penis.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
