i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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