I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
