after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
