This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
