I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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