I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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