I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
