ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Randomize
