I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
