you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
