I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
