both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize