She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
