Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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