So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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