How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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