Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
