I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize