I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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