I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize