im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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