My sheets look like a crime scene.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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