Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
