that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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