why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
