Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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