All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
