Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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