you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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